4/20/15

Control Freak

I am a control freak. I don't so much like being in charge, I just like things to go my way. I always look at things with a big picture in mind. If you do abc then xyz will or won't happen. I look more at the possible outcome of a scenario then the process to get there. The unknown scares the my to death.

I like a plan. I want to know exactly what is going to happen. The problem with life though is that things don't always go according to plan. Especially if you are married and have kids. You've got these other people in life that are constantly ruining your plans or who don't care that life as we know it could unravel at the seams if they don't go to bed when mom says.

The hardest part of this whole parenting gig for me is letting go of control. Not that I'm saying that you should let your kids run around like wild banshees but that as they grow we have to learn to loosen our grip. My husband is definitely the laid back type. We balance each other so well and he is constantly having to remind me to quit being so controlling with our kids.

Our kids are growing so fast and now they are at the age where the must start learning how to make their own choices. The have to be responsible for their choices they make and own the consequences for making the wrong choice. But they can't do that if mom is constantly standing over them telling them every little thing to do.

Controlling can and most likely will lead to resentment. The more I try to force them into a mold or make the decisions I think they should make the more likely that when they are older they will grow to resent me.

As a mom I'm learning that my role is shifting to guiding then directing. The difference in guiding and directing is that when you guide someone you encourage them in the direction they should go whereas directing you are telling them where to go.

Right now I am basically having to step back, take a deep breath, and look at the situation. No the world won't fall apart if they want to stay up a bit longer to finish watching a show with daddy, and life as we know it won't collapse if they have a different opinion than I do.

Moving from the drivers seat to the passenger seat is hard hard hard. But I want my children to grown into productive adults and the only way they are able to do so is if I let go of the reigns. I want to show my children that I care about who they are and that I am here to help. If they mess up I will help them deal with the consequences, help brush them off, and guide them back on their way. If I keep trying to force my will and opinion on them they could miss out on the opportunities of God's will for their lives.

Do you struggle with control as a parent? What has helped you let go of that control and give your kids grace instead?

3 comments:

  1. Such a hard thing for Type A mommies!! I am happiest when I find balance between structure and wild abandon with my girls :)

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  2. I'm not a mom, but I am a control freak, but as I get older I am finding that life happens in those little, unplanned moments, that I wouldn't trade for the world. :)

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